Nepotists v Edmonton
Report by Carl Hoar
Sun, 31 Aug 2014
Report by Steve Werren Sun, 27
ANOTHER BRILLIANT START TO THE NEPO SEASON
The Nepo’s started their 2014 campaign, picking up where they left off last
season. Highgate was glazed in glorious sunshine with temperatures in the mid
20’s, which was quite unusual for this time of year. With the area full of
sightseers, tourists parading around the ground, and the nearby tennis courts in
full swing, the scene was set for another Nepo march towards the trophy. Batting
first after winning the toss, the lime green and magenta exceeded all
expectations by posting a remarkable score of 450 runs off their 40 overs. After
tea, the Nepo’s in highly aggressive mood were able to, get this, bowl Highgate
out for just 12 runs off 8 overs, which included 11 extras! Quite incredible in
any form of cricket.
Well....... that was the plan before play started. The reality though, is that it was
a dreary afternoon after days of heavy rain with a damp popping wicket. The
Nepo’s fell just 300 runs short of their predicted target and were bowled out
for a grand total 150 runs in 28 overs, their lowest ‘all out’ score in 7 years
when they were dismissed for 105 runs off 30.5 overs against Putney in the last
game of the 2007 season. None of the current Nepotists team played in that game
– so this is now our ‘Waterloo’. In reply, Highgate strolled past the Nepo score
in just 24 overs losing only 3 wickets. Although it did take them three times as
many overs to get the runs then we predicted in our alternative universe
scenario described above.
to Match Report Index) (Home)
__________________________________________________________________________________________ Nepotists v Harrow St.
Mary's Report by Lukey Sparrow Sun, 04
If every team we play this year looked at the Nepo's World Record
2013 scores batting first, there should be little chance of the Nepo's being
asked to bat. Harrow St Mary's (HSM) internet either crashed or they simply
erased our world record 353 from their scorebooks as they won the toss and
elected to bowl. Bonus!
With the lateness (standard!) of Nilesh Thacker, and no other recognised top
order batsman (by definition: 'has his own bat') present, Shahna Khan was asked
to open with London's favourite cabbie and Nepo's stalwart opener Carl Hoar. 37
seconds later Shahna resigned his position to Sparrow. Being promoted from his
comfortable #8, Shahna thought he might as well go all the way to the top so
Sparrow went in at #1 with Carl and comfortable to take the first ball, which
passed harmlessly, and wastefully, outside off stump. When the next ball went to
the cover boundary the HSM Captain exclaimed, 'Here we go again!'
Another Nepo world record was in the mind of both teams but when Sparrow was
given out LBW by Steve Werren for 26 with the score on 27. Only one thing was
certain, it must have been plumb for Steve to raise his finger. With confidence
Shahna swaggered to the middle and in typical closed eye, luck trusted swinging,
helped himself to 42 off 30 before abandoning Carl who was in a sticky mood
taking 30 balls to reach just 14. He was still there however and joined by Mick
Stout whom set a common tone on the scorecard, being the first of 3 Nepo's to be
dismissed for just 6 that kept a new world record at bay against HSM for another
year at least.
At 3 for 95 the Nepo's never really fired with Carl eventually falling for a
casual and un-Carl like 32. Ash Nagre nudged and edged his way to 6 before Paul
McCubbin and Damien Tambling settled and ticked over 31 scores before big Paul
was cleaned up for 15 allowing Brett Schwim to join his Zimbabwean compatriot.
Knowing the tonking capabilities of these two, a 250+ score was not out of the
question with 16 overs to bowl provided they didn't get out. A miserable 14 runs
and 6 overs later Brett was in the shed (I think he needs his Panama hat back).
11 runs following, so too was Nilesh Naidu for a common 6 in his comeback match
followed all too soon by Damien, padding-down for a slick 25.
With A penchant for hanging about, Captain Steve joined our omni-present opener
and #10 Nilesh Thacker to see out the final 6 overs. Without even facing a ball,
Steve painfully watched from the non-striker's end as Nilesh gifted the HSM
opening bowler his 5th wicket without even troubling the scorer. The Nepos went
to their 2nd early tea break for the season with a sad 181. If there was
consolation, at least we lasted 36 overs! Following our 30 over debacle last
week, we should knock off 40 overs next week at this rate. If that happens, we
can expect the tea to be ready!!
In 2012 the Nepo's failed to defend 223 against HSM and even though last year we
rolled HSM for 142 we had 353 runs to play with then, so it would have to be a
solid all-round effort to defend 181 against a largely unchanged HSM side. The
HSM tea-lady may have to change the menu next year as the Nepo's fired from the
outset. Brett Schwim from the member's end removed the first opener to a great
misjudged catch by Sparrow at 3rd man, whom opened the bowling from the
non-member's end and cleaned up the next three batsmen including the threatening
HSM top-scoring opener in a 6 over spell of 3-10. With the exception of #1
scoring 20, HSM's scorebook looked every bit a phone number with 0, 3, 0, 5, 5,
7, 5, 0, and 0, plus a lucky 15 by the #9 whom must have over-grown in
confidence charging for a 2nd run that was there on anyone else's arm but
A magnificent chase, slide, turn, and throw, Damien had the ball in Steve's
gloves over the bails with the batsman barely halfway down the pitch. Well, he
was out by just a yard but it may as well have been half a pitch with the
swiftness of the fielding. Brilliant effort. This run brought about a rapid
close to the match with HSM losing three wickets in three balls for a great team
hat-trick, and leaving Mick Stout with a hat-trick chance next week at Hampton
Seemingly barely having started, HSM was all out for 78 in the 24th over. It
wasn't a world record, but it was close, as this was the 2nd lowest score the
Nepo's had rolled an opposition falling short by 4 runs. The record would have
been achieved had the ever and sometimes over excitable and all too powerful
Brett Schwim not contributed 15 with a combination of waist-high no-balls,
wides, overthrows, and wayward deliveries that reached the boundary after barely
With only one dropped half-chance at 1st slip, the Nepo's can stand tall after a
great fielding effort that was rewarded by a drinks break this year. In 2013 we
were too pleased having 8 HSM wickets in the shed after 20 overs we forgot the
break in lieu of mopping up the tail. Very thirsty, we finally did so in the
40th over, so this year even though HSM were 8 wickets down the Nepo's had a sip
after 21 overs before briskly finishing the task 3 overs later to achieve a
season record of our 1st 100+ run victory for 2014, and remaining undefeated at
home, with every bowler having a crack; Brett ending 1-12, Damien 1-16, 'Bomber'
Naidu 2-12, Ash 0-5, and Mick 2-9.
It's always a great day at HSM Field and even though we don't always come away
with a win, we always come away with the best 12 umpire's stones on the
I was shocked to get a call from Steve Werren Monday night to pick him up
from Northwick Park hospital. Apparently he'd gone into anaphylactic shock after
drinking bitter at the St. Mary's match. After being intravenously feed with
Castlemain and Fosters overnight Steve’s condition stabilised. He told me, "mate
it was really touch and go, I nearly saw the funny side of losing!" "No!" I
said. Steve replied, "yeah mate, I nearly turned in to a Pom".
At this point the irritating Aussie inflection to his accent returned, so I knew
we hadn't lost him. My sense of relief turned to shock when as opposed to his
place in Wembley, he asked me to drive him to Madame Jo Jo's in Soho. Along with
this he asked me to skipper the Hampton Wick game. "Why mate" I asked. Steve
replied, " too busy with music for the tranny floor show fella".
After losing the toss Nepos were asked to bat on a bowler friendly pitch.
Sparrow couldn't repeat his heroics from last week and was bowled after playing
a rather agricultural stroke for 7. Nilesh Thacker looked to flick one to leg
and was trapped lbw for 6. After Shahna Khan was clean bowled for 9, team Nepos
were wobbling until a partial revival led by the Zimbo pair Tambling 37 and
Schwim 52, 200 plus looked on the cards until Brett was run out taking a chancy
second run. Red faced and with steam gushing from his ears, Brett claimed to his
team mates that Damien had done it deliberately as revenge for Brett spaying
Ralgex on his jockstrap during a school match when they both attended Cecil
Rhodes high. Apparently this was true, but Brett did nick Damien's "Graham Hick
405 Duncan Fernley" bat. Tit for tat never works people!!
Sporting a Sergio Aguero hair cut (which he was quite rightly naca nominated
for) debutant Sam played a cavalier innings eventually falling for 11. Mick
stout looked in good touch until like Nilesh Thacker fell lbw flicking to leg.
Stand in skipper Carl Hoar was dismissed 2nd ball after being harshly given out
caught behind by sparrow. All was forgiving afterwards in the bar as Sparrow
explained that the authentic woody sound was made by his dodgy shoulder as he
sneezed during the delivery stride ......probably ..
Fortunately Steve Werren 11 not out and a composed 12 from debutant Adi Khanna
wagged the tail as Nepos ended up 185 all out in 32.2 overs. A sealed bid system
was instituted to select the opening bowlers in an attempt to supplement the
skippers ailing cab income. It came as no surprise to the captain that the
Antipodean contingent fared badly in this process with it being more likely to
be able to plat sawdust than to get a tip from this lot.
Adi Khanna swung the ball with nagging accuracy and was unlucky to end his spell
wicket less. Again Brett Schwim was the pick of the bowlers taking 2 for 28 off
7 overs without the aid of hand grenades or fishing line. Damien Tambling bowled
a steady spell, but the Hampton Wick batmen continued to work the ball with
ease. With the threat of being sent to teach in an inner city comprehensive,
Mick Stout was ordered to take a wicket. Nepos seemed back in the game as Mick
struck in his first over.
Nilesh Naidu created a chance or two but nothing went to hand. Sparrow couldn't
find his length and took a bit of tap from two "in" batters before
was introduced to the attack. The luckless Shahna was struck for three 6s in a
row before he threatened to throw a chair at the batsman who intelligently
retired hurt. Always knew hanging out watching "Goodfellas " with Steve Werren
was bad for his development!
Damien was rightly NACA'd for going AWOL and rolling a fag before drinks. The
game was lost but the Nepos won the hearts of the oppo with good banter, cheer,
lashings of lager, and Sparrows walnut cracking act with his dodgy shoulder!
I can't say I'm not disappointed with Sunday's result or overly thrilled
at writing this match report. If nothing else, it gives me a much better
appreciation of Steve's efforts trying to be enthused about Nepo losses while he
has been in (perfect) control.
Early setbacks due to late withdrawals, regardless of the soft reasons given
(work, anniversary, birthday) didn't hamper my enthusiasm to skipper the Nepos
for their 2nd win for the season.
Losing the toss and being asked to bowl echoed my preference and the day was off
to a positive start. Without the competent batting of Nilesh Thacker
(anniversary), Brett Schwim (birthday), Nilesh Naidu (work), and Mick Stout
(heart or other bodily injury), our depleted batting line up heightened my want
to bowl, believing our attack would stand even taller with James Culley back in
the line-up after time out in Kabul, and for 38 overs it did just that.
Courtesy of Northwood, thinking they are akin to the MCC at Lord's competing on
a sloped field, the pitch wrecking flood that washed downhill from the adjacent
Royal Reservoir in the days earlier left the pitch a bit soppy, slow, low, and
undulating and the Nepo's took advantage of this.
Dropping a catch in the first over off James' dynamic swinging and cutting spell
was a setback, however runs didn't come. With Damian Tambling at the other end
keeping everything tight, the over rate was slick, bowling changes regular and
fielding exceptional, only conceding two cheeky byes and a couple of leg-byes.
The guys backed-up the bowlers, threw straight, put their bodies behind the ball
and got the ball in quickly. It was great to see.
Though grassing only one, I'd love to say we held all our catches, however we
only dismissed 6 batsmen bowled or LBW, because the bowling was straight and
difficult; good problem to present! As such after 35 overs Northwood were only
6-148 and we were looking to restrict the home side to 180. Alas, Northwood had
recruited AB De Villiers estranged twin brother CD whom went bat-shit.
The Nepo's bled 55 runs (TBC) off the last 5 overs with old-mate CD notching up
45 putting any ball anywhere he wanted with unorthodox (for Nepo's) shots and
plain arse-ness. In defence of Amit and James that bowled 3 of the last 5, it
was my 2 overs that cost. Believing my first spell of 3 overs 1-5 would be
mirrored, CD hit sixes off balls that would york and bowl others and I went for
28. In hindsight, game over, but the game wasn't over just yet as we believed we
could knock off the 203 (amended to 201 after the break)!
Opening with debutant Arni, whom scored a swift 10 before holing out, Big Carl
(back at the top after his hiatus at 8 last week) still wasn't his fluent self,
but pushed a comfortable 20, followed by Shyam WOW with 18, Adsman with 12, and
Shahna Khan 12 before collapsing with cramp or something that resulted in his
retirement for treatment that meant sitting on the side lines watching the
Nepo's fall in a heap. Ash Nagre 0, Steve Werren 13, and Damian's almost
flawless 51 before an untimely demise brought Shahna back into the game quicker
than he'd like. It wasn't the end of Damo's game with Northwood allowing Shahna
to keep the fastest Nepo alive to do what Shahna hates doing.
With James Culley 6 and Amit Sinha 11 too falling to the ever present pies of
Northwood's 'Bomber' Modi, giving him 4 for the match, the Nepos needed 21 off
two overs with one wicket in hand. With Shahna typically swinging his guts out
with one six and allowing myself to run 8 with Damien, the pressure was back on
Northwood, with the Nepo's now needing only 7 to win off 7 balls.
Not wanting to deny Shahna the ease of smashing the ball to the rope and getting
the job done, I bolted for a single off the last ball of the penultimate over as
soon as the ball was released endeavouring to keep Shahna on strike for the last
over. Shahna however failed to connect and already halfway down the pitch
sneaking the bye, the keeper hurled the ball for a direct hit and I simply kept
running leaving the hosts victors by 6 runs and I felt shithouse.
Being captain and contributing is one thing, but being captain and losing
because of one's own poor form, is the poorest of form and not something I
cherish, especially then having to write about the bastard. I tried to
manufacture a win post game when inspecting the scorecards I was briefly excited
to not only first learn that Northwood only scored 195 (by their scorebook!) but
our scorebook too was awry. Disappointingly it was also to the negative and the
Nepo's only hitting 189 didn't help my cause either. The Nepo's face Kew next
week only 1 and 3 and not looking a shade on the 2013 form that we thought might
come back to bite us with the opposition fielding much stronger sides, albeit
with the inclusion of 1 or 2 1st class or international ring-ins. If we can take
positives from Northwood, it's the first time we have batted 39 overs this
season, and 195 is our highest score for 2014 so we are definitely on the
improve. Alas, so are the teams we play!
Thank you guys for what was a great effort with ball and bat, and I apologise
for not getting the Nepo's home.
After disappointing early season results, the Nepotists got back to their
brutal best with a comprehensive victory over Kew on Sunday which was
reminiscent of their 2013 form. But there were two other major events of the
day. Number one being this year’s first ‘Nepo World Record’, which I’ll
elaborate on below, but even bigger news occurred after the match when rumours
started to spread around that jugs of beer were going for only £12.50 in the Kew
clubhouse. This is almost half the price the Nepo’s pay at other grounds and
puts it on par with Hampstead jugs. So after complete silence had enveloped the
Nepo’s upon hearing this news, along with nodding of heads and smurky grins, the
players not wishing to miss an opportunity and worried that this was a time
limited offer, set themselves to drink the bar dry.
But before they could get their orders in, suddenly there was mass panic when
tourists from nearby Kew Gardens heard of the news and were falling over each
other to get into the bar. It was an ugly sight replicating a scene from the
news reporters battle in ‘Anchorman’ with arms, legs and pitchforks flying
everywhere. There was one unfortunate incident of a Kew player having his eyes
gouged out by Shahna Khan (Ind), who was still on a feeding frenzy from tea,
removing an ice pick that was mounted on the wall (a Kew tribute to Sharon
Stone’s role in ‘Basic Instinct’) and digging the eyeballs out of the oppo
skippers sockets and devouring them with parmesan cheese and Tabasco sauce (on
rye) – looked quite tasty actually. When it all calmed down, servility resumed
and the Nepo players combined to fork out for 5 (or was it 6) jugs of the UK’s
finest lager. Unfortunately not being able to procure a ‘fine’ UK lager, went
with what they were offering, which kept the lads there till well after 10pm,
with ‘carriages’ time a bit sketchy. Eventually a lovely evening was had by all
after the clubhouse was rebuilt.
Anyway back to the cricket – got a bit carried away there. The Nepo’s lost the
toss and were sent in to bat with regular openers Carl Hoar (Eng) and Nilesh
Thacker (Ind) struggling on the once again slow soft pitch. With two wickets
down and just 35 runs on the board after 10 overs it looked like it was going to
be another tough afternoon for the Nepo batsmen. But at the crease now were two
guys who without doubt played there best ever Nepo innings. Colin Bull (Eng) on
debut hitting up a magnificent 83 runs, (which was definitely his best innings),
and Damian Tambling (Zim) cracking his third century for the Nepo’s, which is
not bad considering he only joined the club in the second half of last season,
ending on a brilliant 143no.
The two Nepo’s put on partnership of 191 runs in 23 overs at a run rate of 8.3
runs per over, and in one foul swoop took the game away from Kew – extraordinary
to watch. The partnership wasn’t without controversy though with Colin and
Damian getting a bit ‘cocky’ and halfway through their time at the crease
decided to forgo using bats, instead deducing that a well endowed penis
(enhanced by browsing through the latest edition of ‘Kew Gardens Hottest
Azaleas’) could do exactly the same job – which they did with interest. It
wasn’t a pretty sight in the dressing room later, but fortunately we were able
to sneak some good pics for the website, but will need to get the camera’s
repaired first as they weren’t shockproof lenses. The Nepo’s were eventually
able to post 288 runs off their 40 overs for the loss of just 6 wickets, which
was always going to be a hill too far for the Kew batsmen.
Tea was the usual fare of pushing and shoving with the Nepo’s squirreling down
the nosh (including the plates, table and groundsman) quicker than you say, (hmm
can’t think of an anything at the moment, to quote Henry Blofeld), resulting in
National Geographic sending out a team of researchers for their upcoming
documentary “Is possible to Live Without A Brain”.
As was expected, for Kew to chase down the Nepo target, they needed a strong
start or someone to doctor the scorebook, with the Nepo’s being the foremost
experts in that field. But alas after a valiant effort, which resulted in them
just falling short of the Nepo total by a mere 148 runs, plus the unfortunate
sight of their scorer falling asleep, were eventually dismissed for 140 runs off
38.2 overs (yes it was slow), which would have almost earned them a draw in a
‘Time’ game. That’s why we don’t play them!
The wickets were shared between 4 bowlers with Damian Tambling doing the double
and picking up 4-8 off 7.2 overs (another remarkable performance for the day),
Nilesh Naidu (Nz) with 3-25 off 6 overs, Graham Bull (Eng) on his comeback match
and bowling through a toenail polish crisis 2-18 off 8 overs, and Shahna Khan
(Ind) 1-33 off 7 overs.
Damian Tambling’s double now becomes what we believe is the first Nepo World
Record of the season, that being ‘Highest Club Champion Points for a Single
Match’ with a total of 221.4 points for the match (143 pts batting, 78.4 pts
bowling); surpassing Bruce Jackson’s (Aus) record day back in 2005 where he
scored 196 runs and took 1 stumping against Frensham, total 208 points. (See
Note at end of report) Quite an incredible performance from Damian which
deservedly won him the NACA jacket after the match, and lands him in a
commanding position for the Club Champion trophy, having almost 3 times as many
points as his nearest competitor at this stage, and puts him in striking range
of Shahna Khan’s World Record points haul of 984 set just last season, and is
also on target to win all major batting and bowling awards at this stage. Can
anyone catch him?
So all in all a great day on Kew Green, with the Nepo season now back on track
and looking to kick on from here.
Yours in Nepotism
Note: Damian Tambling’s World Record needs to be verified, but
short of going through all the score books, if anyone believes there was a Nepo
performance that could have rivalled this one then get back to me with a name
and match (or approximate year) and I’ll look into it. To beat this record, you
will need to have scored around 100 runs and taken 7 wickets in a single match
(or a higher hundred with less wickets). I know Basher Balden (Eng) took 9
wickets for 21 runs in a match, but we are not sure of the match or indeed the
year. This would get him 180 points for the wickets less 4.2 points
for runs conceded, totalling 175.8
points. So Basher would need to have scored 46 runs not out or 53 dismissed in the same game as his 9 wickets to overtake
Damian’s points tally. Catches 8 pts, run out’s 8 pts and stumpings 12 pts also
It was a nice sunny and a promising day as the Nepos walked towards the
club house.... The opposition team were all waiting with about 20 odd more rough
looking people too.... We were really overwhelmed and could foresee a warm
welcome, but as we came closer and put our hands out for a handshake they shoved
us all aside looking past us trying to find someone... After the last Nepo was
hurled aside the oppo skipper squeaked, "so where's BRETT?"
When they learned that Brett wasn't playing today he ordered the gang to take
the ‘equipment ’away as they won't need to 'use' them. The folks opened up the
blankets revealing guns, swords, grenades, shot guns and all sorts...... The
oppo skipper had mentioned something along the lines of being "well prepared for
Brett" this time.
The skipper had big plans for Steve to partner Big Carl as the opening pair, but
just like all men getting married… as they are about to take their vows... Steve
got cold feet too!!!
On the way to the middle for the toss the oppo skipper suggested a 30 or a 35
over game..... Being an Indian I saw an opportunity to haggle and pitched high
saying we only play 50 over matches.... Things were starting to heat up when the
"peace maker" Steve had to step in and settled it for a 40 over game.... "Happy
After losing the toss the Nepos were made to wait as the oppo team stripped off
their whites and put on their smart tuxedos, ties, black polished shoes and went
in to the tea room, shut the doors, gathered around a big round conference
table, and pulled a big white projector screen as they got involved in a very
highly debated board meeting..... The Nepo’s, who had all dozed off were
suddenly woken up when the doors were flung open as the oppo came out stripping
their tuxedos off and getting back into their whites and said "we'll bowl
As Steve had turned down the offer to open, it was passed round to Sanjay. So
Carl and Sanjay made a solid start for the Nepo innings. With the pitch playing
up in the beginning, staying low and outfield very slow, the boundaries were
hard to come by, but the opening pair ran hard and put up a good solid 59 before
Sanjay parted for a well made 20. Riding on high expectations from his feats
from last week, in came Damian Tambling at no.3 but didn't last very long and
ran himself out (the way he was batting I guess that would have been the only
way to get him out). Also the voodoo dolls and the pins by the Legends worked.
At no. 4 walked in Shahna Khan who started belting the ball round the park. As
the oppo team had already named him a "tennis ball player" last year, they
improvised and renamed him "wild swinger". (We are a bit curious now about his
new name next year.) And Shahna swung and slashed his way to a flamboyant 66,
before he was caught. Big Carl made a classy 54 before attempting a six and
being caught right on the edge of the boundary.
From there on every Nepo contributed with Mick Stout making a magnificent 50,
which included quality cricketing shots and 2 massive sixes. Luke Sparrow added
the cherry on the cake with a hurricane innings and got 24 runs of just 11
balls, and the Nepo’s finally ended on 7-263 off their 40 overs.
Tea was a smart move by the oppo… they fed us some real stodgy lunch and got us
watching IPL finals – starting to feel drowsy, and then kicked us out onto the
Luke Sparrow and Aditya Khanna opened the proceedings for the Nepo’s and bowled
a tidy opening spell. Damian, Shahna and Shyam were at their best on the field.
The pitch had improved considerably and the oppo were middling the ball well
when Nilesh Naidu came in and slowed it down in his first over. The well settled
batsmen were surprised at the pace and eventually waited and played 10 different
shots mentally by the time the ball left Nils hand and reached the batsman, but
when it finally got there they had to defend as still unable to decide.
Then there was one long hop which was smacked towards the deep midwicket
boundary where Shahna was eyeing up a lady sitting nearby. Normally he would
have dropped it, but he managed to jump back... took a one handed catch and
instead of falling back he managed to turn around mid air and squatted as soon
as he landed facing the lady trying to get some tan and do a bit of yoga. He
stayed in that position for about a minute scanning her hideously. She got a
hint of his perverted intensions, grabbed the blanket and covered every part of
exposed skin. She then reached out for her phone to call 999. That's when all
the Nepo’s came over, picked him up and took him to the other side of the field.
Steve kept like a real acrobat. .. He was like a wall behind the wickets. ..
Nothing went past. .. He also attempted a lightning stumping. .. fastest I'd
seen so far.
This was followed by this one unbelievable moment where a cracking shot from
their well set batsman was dived full stretch and saved. All the Nepo’s were
applauding, expecting it to be Damian (which is just standard for him), but when
he got up, the Nepos fell over in shock… can it be…??? No I mean really????
Nepo’s stood there gawping with open mouths and tongues hanging out when they
realised - it was Nilesh Naidu....!!!! The Nepos were down on their knees
praying for Nils to come back to normality. ... and it happened.... He dropped a
couple of catches and misfielded and the Nepo’s were thankful their prayers were
answered - the good old Nils was back. (Well it happened reversely but this
The match was nearing the end and their left handed opening bat already being on
134no, was on course to take the hosts home when Sanjay came in and bowled tight
to add pressure on the batsmen, later… Damian delivered a magical one that
cleaned up the left hander. .. From then on the Nepos had it in the bag, and won
a good close game after Shahna took the ball and cleared the rest, eventually
bowling out them out for 249 runs off the last ball of the innings – great game.
As per the Nepo tradition there were a few nominees for the NACA which Lukey had
apparently won it unanimously. ...until the Nepos remembered “The all blonde
Nilesh Naidu moment” from last week... The NACA outfit was quickly stripped off
Lukey and forced onto Naidu.
Meanwhile the cops turned up at the field responding to the 999 phonecall from
the lady, and they ran towards Shahna who was standing under a tree enjoying his
pint, he nearly pissed himself, but they ran past him and climbed the tree
behind him and captured a monkey from the top branch saying " he fits the lady’s
description perfectly”. All in all that was pretty much everything we had in
store for the day. .. A good win for the Nepo’s followed by a few hundred drinks
– before we all strolled back home – waiting for the next game!
Great sporting stories are often prefaced by the term “they were just
a one man team”. Well I can confirm that yesterday’s quickly organised match
against Wilkinson Way after Hampstead’s late cancellation on Thu, truly was
about a one man team – their team. I’ve never played in a game that was so
dominated by one single player, with the others members of the team being so
The day started in glorious sunshine, and as the players walked into the
Trailfinders Sports Club they thought they’d taken a wrong turn and accidentally
turned up at the Taj Mahal. It certainly was a spectacular venue with a pitch and
outfield that would match any County Cricket ground, a brand new clubhouse, and
72 virgins waiting on the sideline for the drinks break. Yes, this certainly was
going to be a day to savour – or was it?
Unfortunately it was ultimately going to be a day of controversy with the first
one occurring before the match even started. After losing the toss the Nepo’s
were asked to bowl first. The oppo then wished to inspect our match ball which
they said wasn’t up to scratch for the standard they play, and produced a nice
shiny new ‘Dukes A Grade Test’ match ball for us to use. These are quite
expensive, and designed to last for 80+ overs and hold it’s seam – so bonus for
Naturally the word was already floating around the Nepo team about upcoming NACA
nominations with Lukey Sparrow’s name being bandied about for bringing the Nepo
brand into disrepute and providing 20 dodgy balls for this season from his
beautiful Bangladesh apartment by the 'goatside'. Anyway, 7 overs into the match
the oppo were complaining about the condition of the ball (their ball), claiming
it had gone out of shape and that a substitute ball was required. Having a quiet
chuckle to ourselves we produced one of our Bangladeshi specials which lasted
for the rest of the match no problem. Strike one to the Nepo’s and a reprieve
With Chris Ellegard (Nz) opening the bowling and producing two maidens to start
with (making that 74 virgins now for the drinks break) and debutant Dennis McIntyre (Guyana)
opening at the other end in very Brett Schwim–ish style, picked up a wicket in
his first over as well as a team run out, so the Nepo’s couldn’t have hoped for
a better start at 2-2 off 2 overs as Richie would say. In at number 3 comes
there overseas Indian player who competes in the ‘Home Counties Premier Cricket League’ on a
Sat, which is a higher standard than even the 'Middlesex Premier League' where a
lot of our opposition come from. He was cautious at the start because of wickets
falling all around him with the Nepo’s at one stage having them 5-64. It was
certainly looking like a wrought was in the offing.
But once their star player had settled in, he decided it was time to take the
Nepo bowling to task, which he did in great style hitting up 177 runs not out,
which may be the highest score by an oppo batsman against the Nepo’s –
verification required. He was a class act and probably the best batsmen the team
has faced. He hit balls at will wherever he liked, mainly from a standing start
with the Nepo keeper up all day. It certainly was very impressive.
There was however one moment which will stick with the Nepo’s for quite a while.
When their star batsman was on only 45 runs he appeared to be run out by quite a
distance, bat in the air, well short of his ground. But their square leg umpire
refused to raise his finger even though the batsmen was basically walking back
to the pavilion knowing he hadn’t made his ground. An argument ensued with the
Nepo players and with the square leg umpire for an obvious disregard of the rules,
and from that point onwards the tone of the match went down. With him being the
only decent oppo batsman (and a paid one at that) there was no way they were
going to give him out unless all 6 stumps were knocked over, or an out of control
helicopter took him out. That decision was the difference between bowling them
out for less than 150 runs or them eventually finishing on 8-272 off 40 overs,
with the latter proving true.
There wasn’t much mingling with the oppo during the lunch break, but the Nepo’s
felt confident they could chase the runs down, having scored well in excess of
300 runs many times in the past couple of seasons, and with at least four Twenty20
specialists in the team, felt confident. The skipper, Steve Werren (Aus), asked
the batsmen to look for around 120 runs off the first 20 overs and to push for
160 off the last 20. After 20 overs the Nepo’s were 2-114, so good enough at
that stage with Carl Hoar (Eng) (eventually out for a fantastic uncharacteristic
Big Bash type 83 runs) and Chris Ellegard (batting with his usual poise and
precision) 48 runs, leading the charge.
But setting 280 odd runs and chasing 280 odd runs are two different things in
cricket. Having to keep up with the run rate, and being under pressure after a quiet
over or two is a lot harder than just going for broke not knowing what the
target is. And this was the case yesterday, with the Nepo’s gradually losing
wickets by being forced to go for big shots and eventually ending up on 9-220
runs off their 40 overs. At least they didn’t bowl us out.
But it was the attitude of the oppo players in the field that was the talking
point during the Nepo innings. It was basically the game against Acton revisited
from last year. Read the match report from 2013
here and it will fill in the rest of the this
match report very closely. They complained about every wide, considering they
called a wide for every ball down the leg side when we bowled, and generally
played with a League mentality, sledging our players throughout the afternoon.
Nilesh Naidu (Nz) wasn’t having any of it and while umpiring let loose at the
oppo at every available opportunity. Although it’s not generally the Nepo way to
lower ourselves to their standard, sometimes there’s a point where you just have
to take a stand, which Nilesh did, and he continually reminded the oppo of his
‘Golden Gloves’ days back in the popular mid town Auckland hangout for people of
Indian decent, the ‘SlapaPaki Bar & Grill’. We could hear him from the sideline,
and had a giggle when he got so caught up in the moment that he forgot the
batsmen were on our side.
So just like Acton, after the match we discussed not accepting another fixture
off these guys if they offer us one, which was confirmed when we were told that
the bar was closed before we even had one drink! Incidentally when I asked one
of the oppo players where the name ‘Wilkinson Way’ comes from, I was told it is
the name of a street in Acton where a lot of their players used to live
about 25 years ago, which says it all. (There was also a very dodgy pub in that
area as well!)
So we continue our search for like minded opponents.
· LGMM lose the un-lose-able game
· RECORDS TUMBLE IN BATTING RUN FEAST –
NEARLY 700 RUNS SCORED
· SAD DAY FOR LGMM, AS LEGENDARY PART-TIME
SKIPPER RESIGNS IN TEARS
· LGMM “CLUB CAPTAIN” FLOPS. STANDARD
· NACA BROUGHT INTO DISREPUTE BY VOTE
· BARNES HOUSE PRICES CRASH DUE TO
BOMBARDMENT OF BANGLADESHI CRICKET BALLS
· SHARES SOAR IN BANGLADESHI SWEAT SHOPS
AFTER HUNDREDS OF BALLS LOST IN S-W LONDON
*LGMM cc (formerly known as
the Nepotists CC): Lime Green and Magenta Muppets Cricket Club
It was a day that had never been seen in the long and proud history of the LGMM.
Never had there been so many runs scored, never had there been more 6s, never
had a famous cricket team, formerly known as the NCC, scored so many runs to
lose. And, never has an emergency legendary stand-in captain had to deal with so
many Lime Green and Magenta Muppets…!
Now, this is not a Stevie W report from the far flung looney fringes of outer
space. This actually happened. It was brutal, it was ugly (for bowlers) and it
As we all know, repeated ICC psychologist reports forced what was the greatest
team the world has ever seen, to boot the “Club Captain” from his match day
role, and bring in a series of stand-in skippers. This has proved to be a
So, in total desperation, the NCC were forced to bring in their trump card, a
former leading strike lolli-pop bowler, to steady the ship. And this was
immediately achieved when he won the toss, elected to bat and immediately made
some inspired decisions. First, where to hide the failed skippers? Where else
but at the top of the order: 1 Hoar. 2 Werren. 3 Sparrow. Brilliant!
Immediate success was achieved after psycho Club Captain Stevie Werren made
absolutely ZERO runs out of 341, being bowled 4th ball. Sparrow, a recent losing
skipper, strode to the crease and put his first ball straight down the throat of
square leg, who somehow coughed it up, going for 4 (like virtually every ball
that hit the bat). It was so close to being another inspired leadership choice.
Lukey then batted with great style for 44, his second highest score in all
cricket. Big Carl, who in his appalling day of skippering when he went in to bat
at 10, was promoted to 1. 87 glorious runs followed. This was part-time
skippering at its best.
Runs, runs, runs. What more can I say: Shahna Khan 48, Brett “when we were
Rhodesia” Schwim 36 off 2 balls. Actually, 14 balls to be honest, he’s a freak.
Ash Nagre 21 and the big Aussie Paul McCubbin 44*, leading to an
“insurmountable” 8-341 runs off 40 overs.
This is where any leading coach or skipper has to put his hands up and admit
that he can only do as well as the cattle on the park. Tragically for the
formerly known cricket club, the Nepotists, it was a bunch of muppets wearing
lime green and magenta. Truly a recipe for a downfall of any leading part-time
And so it proved to be.
Approx 100 runs off the first 10 overs was not an ideal start, but at drinks
with Sparrow and Shahna bowling tightly, the game was in the balance. But overs
20-30 were a disaster, with some bloke Barnes had brought in only an hour before
the game, going to 100 and then 150 runs before you could say, gee, who is in
charge of this mob?
Feeling like a general in the ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’ in Crimea, or at the
Nek in Gallipoli, I had to sacrifice myself along with the muppets beneath me. I
thought my 0-39 off 2 overs was a reasonable return. Yet, despite my heroics, we
somehow lost the game with 2 overs to go and Barnes ending on 4-344 to win the
match. This was not the way it was meant to be!
Then the fall out.
In scenes not witnessed since Kim Hughes resigned, the former NCC leading
lolli-pop bowler tearfully confessed to his stunned group in the shed: “It had
become all too much. Leading the Nepotists was a life-long dream. And while I
have loved every second (well about 4 hours) of it, the pressure of the media,
bitter former failed skippers, and trying to lead a bunch of muppets, has taken
its toll. Time to leave at the top and head to the North Pole, where my
cricketing leadership skills are appreciated”.
Farce followed, with myself being the fall guy, being voted totally unfairly and
even without being nominated, for the NACA. A very forgettable, well actually a
day we will never forget in the history of the former greatest cricket team the
world has ever seen.
Long live the mighty Lime Green and Magenta Muppets!!
- Colin “Bomber” Dale,
LPK. 1999 Nepo of
the Year. Leading wicket taker, 1998, 1999, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2005 (joint).
It was not the run-fest of Barnes with just 353 runs scored in the same 77-overs
as last week, but at least the Nepo’s won and enjoyed celebrating a victory, as
opposed to celebrating the loss and subsequent retirement of Bomber Dale as we
did 7 days earlier.
After the weeks of unrelenting abuse piled onto the losing invitational skippers
by Bomber, never was a loss more satisfying than last week’s, and made this
week’s victory all the more sweet; a perfect follow-up to the embarrassment of
The Nepo’s bowled well and even though some bowlers were hit well into the 30’s
this week, (like Bomber was last week), at least they completed 7 or 8 overs,
unlike Bomber whom only completed 2 overs for 39 last week.
The Nepo’s restricted BA to 176; a score close to what Bomber let one Barnes
player hit last week. With a strong batting line up opened by Carl Hoar, whom
remained not out with a perfect 62 runs and batting through the innings, the
Nepos drifted home with 5 wickets and 2 overs spare. Much like Bomber let Barnes
do last week, albeit with a casual 100% more runs on their board.
Every Nepo contributed with bat, ball, hands, or gloves and put the Nepos well
back on the winner’s list after last week’s debacle under the reckless and
careless Jihadist leadership of Bomber Dale, whom simply didn’t cop enough in
the fall-out thereafter.
PS: Did I mention Bomber’s performance against Barnes last week?
When I signed up for a chance to be Leader, Dictator and Emperor of the
Mighty Nepotists, like everything else I do in life, I didn't quite think it
through. So for the whole week leading up to this game I had sleepless nights
thinking of the strategies, batting line up, fielding positions, who's going to
bowl when and what, will it rain and so forth, the only thing that could sooth
these tornado of thoughts going on in my head was knowing I couldn't possible do
a Bomber Dale, losing the un-losable game. God only knows how he's sleeping
these days, think he'll be having nightmares about that game for years to come.
Sunday Lunch time as our numbers began to swell at the HWCG, we looked set to
take on Harrow Weald on what seemed like a very gloomy day for cricket, with
rain forecast, the draw was ever present. While strolling out to the middle for
the toss, I suggested to the Harrow Weald skipper why not vote on who wins the
Toss. I explained simply we each state why we should win the toss and then we
vote. After a short speech putting our points across we went to the ballots.
Unbelievably we won 4373 votes to 1 (Mugabe must have had some doing in this
result but hey, a win is a win.)
Having Won the Toss we Chose to Bat. On the front line were 'London's Favourite
Cabbie' Carl Hoar and Viven 'Joe Cool' Pillay, both looking very solid, we set
off to our predicted 500 run total. Unfortunately Carl popped up an easy catch
to mid off for 22.
Coming in at number 3 was Shahna 'chuckerkhan' Khan, having the pressure of the
whole world on his poor shoulders having scored 2 consecutive centuries against
Harrow Weald, he was hoping for the Hat trick of Centuries, but that was not to
be, as on the third ball of his innings he cut a wide popping ball straight to
the hands of point for a Duck.
In at 4 was the worlds oldest kid Steve 'I could be Peter Pan' Werren who was
looking in top nick, dodging all the bounces like the great Mohammed Ali. At
Drinks we were 99 for 2.
Having told Viv to up the run rate I didn't quite expect him to tear out his
brain and scoff it down like a starving Zimbabwean Street kid attacking a loaf
of bread, and ultimately tried a big heave hoe off of middle stump, missing it
by about 5 seconds and getting bowled middle stump for an impressive 47.
Next was Nilesh 'I'm always on time' Thacker who later informed us that Steve
advised him to buckle down and see off the rest of the overs together because
Steve thought we had just entered the great Nepotists collapse where we lose 5
or 6 quick wickets for about a dozen. Well it turned out that wasn't the case.
By this stage Steve and Nilesh were ticking along rather nicely until Steve
realised he was approaching his half century and got the mile stone jitters and
took off wildly down the wicket trying to hurdle the stumps and ended up pulling
his hamstring. Not wanting to spoil his average he Retired Hurt for a great
knock of 44.
Ashish 'six or sticks' Nagre joined Nilesh in the middle and decided to do what
he does best and try to hit the leather off the ball, but the next victim was
Nilesh Thacker who got surprised with the extra bounce the pitch was putting out
and edged it to the keeper for a great knock of 23. This brought Brett 'when we
were Rhodesia' Schwim in who once again left his head at home and just went ape
Ash trying to lose his third ball had a big swing at a straighter ball and
missed it by an elephants trunk getting bowled for a swift 20. In next was
Dennis 'the big man' McIntyre who didn't bother with a guard or checking field
placing, but that didn't matter as he smashed his first ball for a massive 6,
who then ended the innings on 11 Not Out, with Brett on 65 Not Out off 26 balls,
bringing our total to 280 for 5 off 40 overs.
After stuffing our guts at tea we then realised we had to now go out and defend
this target. Aditya 'the meerkat' Khanna started us off along with Luke 'Captain
Jack' Sparrow who both tied the openers up, and getting the breakthrough with
Sparrow in the sixth with some pinpoint bowling trapping the oppo skipper LBW.
It was all downhill from there with a great fielding performance.
There was an excellent spell of bowling by Chucker Khan, bowling an Oppo around
the back of his legs that turned a good two foot that Shane Warne would have
been proud off. When Shahna took this wicket he must have thought he'd just
scored the World Cup winning goal, or heard that a girl fancied him because he
lost it, ripping off his shirt like Hulk Hogan, running and diving head first
into the stumps at the other end. A few overs later while still ramped up after
his wicket Chucker Khan manufactured a great runout, as the ball before slipped
straight through his fingers leading the batsmen to think he was pretty shit in
the field, (which we all think anyway), so when they hit the ball to Mr Khan
again they thought it was an easy single, but unbelievably he actually picked
the ball up like a swooping Fish Eagle and had it into the keepers hands while
the batsmen was still halfway down the wicket for a great runout.
We continued to take regular wickets with Nilesh 'I wish I was an Aussie' Naidu
taking 2 for 5 off 3 and eventually 'London's favourite cabbie' taking our last
scalp in the 34th over with Harrow Weald only able to clock up 168.
And that is how you take the bunch of Muppets that Bomber Dale had and WIN!! I
hope Bomber is taking notes.
Great job lads.
Nepotists CC (the greatest team the world had ever seen, says so in the
song!) went to possibly the most beautiful setting for a days cricket, in the
grounds of Windsor Castle to play the Royal Household last Sun. 45 Nepo players
and wags watched on as skipper Stevie Werren lost the toss and was asked to
field. (After the game Steve confessed that he was pleased at losing the toss as
the ‘declaration’ game chapter in his schools MCC coaching book was destroyed in
a bush fire in Newcastle in 1968.)
The Royal Household openers punished anything loose on a pitch that offered
plenty of pace and bounce, until Brett Schwim had Sam Morris caught by Shahna
Khan for 14. Luke Sparrow bowled a tidy spell only conceding 23 runs in 5 overs.
Runs flowed and wickets tumbled as James Culley pulled off a sharp caught and
bowled as he picked up 2 for 21 in 6. The umpire was left somewhat confused
after Nilesh Naidu told him he was bowling "lift arm", he replied "is this some
sort of new action son?" Nils only conceded 29 from 4 overs.
Shahna Khan spun the ball hard as he collected 1 for 22 but was left in a
quandary about gifting Damian any more Club Championship points. This was until
Dameo Brentford ('cos it reminds him of the Zambezi Tambling) whispered in
Shahna’s ear that the bat is William Hills CEO. With that, the non drinking
Indian (really dad) leggy pulls off catch of the summer as the host were reduced
to 133 for 9. Like the Australians at Headingley 1981, Nepo’s toyed with beer
match theories until the Royal Household’s Dan Dense 30 and Nick O’Neil 29
wagged the tail all the way to 185 all out, putting on 52 for the last wicket.
With good aggressive accurate pace from the hosts opening pair of Morris (3 for
23) and Allen turner (1 for 14 ), Carl Hoar and Nilesh Thacker dug in and were
undefeated at tea. Having thought that they had both batted well the pair were
shocked to see the skipper seething at the slow rate of scoring. In a closed
dressing room Steve screamed "step it up!! or your Nepo contracts will be voided
and you will get a free transfer to Vienna!! Remember what happened to Kinnon
Brash!!!" A chill went down both men's spines!
Between overs Carl asked Nilesh if he thought Steve was serious about his
threats. Nil's reply confirmed Carl's long held belief of Nil's Cadburys Caramel
Bunny fixation, as he said and always says between overs "take it easy". Not
fancying the schnitzel and froffy beer on offer in Vienna, Nil's 8 and Carl 17
hauled out going for glory! Paul (I love fielding on the longest side of the
pitch) McCubbin made a start but was bowled for 9 playing a real champagne shot.
Ashish Nagre (Charlie to his mates in the fight game), steadied the ship
cleverly using the pace to amass 28 in 25 balls. Damian Tambling was unluckily
given out off his thigh pad down the leg side for 5, and Shahna Khan bagged his
second blob in two weeks. (Chin up mate, be some buffet bowling somewhere soon.)
A Nepo revival seemed on as Brett Schwim struck an enormous six over long on,
but the very next ball he decided to dispense with the use of a bat and see if
he could punch a six. (Later Michelle told Nancy that he'd been watching Bruce
Lee films all week after work.) Brett made 15 in 9 balls (we are awaiting a
ruling from the slow scoring committee). After having a quick semaphore
conversation with the oppo, Luke Sparrow got a great Yorker to send him back.
James Culley resisted well until he too was yorked for 1.
Defeat seemed assured as pick of the bowlers Scot Ensom rattled through the
visitors middle order with 6 for 32. Fine stroke play from the stylish ‘lift’
hander Nil's Naidu 29• and a typical terrier like 10 from Steve Werren put on 40
for the last wicket, leaving Nepo’s 35 short of victory .
Overall it was a fine days cricket in fabulous surroundings. Tea was good too.
After long deliberations and a free vote (no stitch up this week, honest
bomber!) James Culley won the NACA. This was for forgetting his Nepo shirt after
receiving 50 emails regarding this - well deserved! Apparently James’ accurate
bowling is attributed to a cricket net being laid at his base in Afghan.
According to rumour he conned some American engineers into building it by saying
it was as supper short runway for a real "hush hush" experimental harrier type
Hercules transport the British military are developing ...
The Nepo’s were also pleased to see Legends Chris ‘Lec Lec’ Leckenby and Tim
‘Hannibal’ Hardy in attendance at the game... Always good to have legal
representation to get the skipper bailed out just in case he goes walk about, as
he did in 2005 with ‘Ralph the Wonder Dog’, before being confronted by the
Windsor Castle security team.
Stand in Nepo skipper Carl Hoar was shocked to discover only 9 names
available for their crunch match at Teddington. Fortunately when the sad
realisation that the Socceroo’s hadn’t made the final of the World Cup, Sparrow
and big Paul McCubbin put their names forward. Antipodean optimism, don't you
just love it?
Deciding which team was going to bat first turned out to be a somewhat tortuous
affair as both skippers argued which had the worst team. After being told
Teddington were skittled for 62 the day before, Carl retorted with "we couldn’t
defend 341 mate!!” In the end Nepos won the toss and decided to bat.
After a steady start Carl was trapped lbw for 10 soon followed by Nilesh Thacker
for 13. A 90 run partnership between Damian Tambling 35 and Paul McCubbin 74
boosted the Nepo’s towards a decent total. Paul used his bottom hand ‘smeary'
technique to perfection blasting the ball to all parts. Good on ye mate!
Sitting on a hat trick of ducks led Shahna Khan into studying videos of Boycott
and Atherton’s batting style. After a careful start Shahna cut loose making 41.
After sparrow lost his off stump going for none off his trade mark slog sweep,
Dennis McIntyre joined Viv Pillay at the crease. Making a case for true all
rounder status big Den smashed a whirlwind 28 not out. Viv remained 11 not out
at the end. So the Nepo’s closed on 237 for 7 in 40 overs.
After tea, Nepotists were determined to defend a quite "gettable" total and
finally lay to rest the ghosts of the notorious "Muppet" match. Teddington got
off to a solid start until Dennis (1 for 38) broke through when the home side
were on 50. Sanjay Thacker with 1 for 36 in 8 and Nilesh Naidu 1 for 24, really
put the handbrake on the middle overs. After Shahna Khan went for 38 in 5,
Sparrow was brought back returning 33 for 1 in 8. In tandem with a Damian
Tambling 2 for 48 in 7, the Nepo’s ran out winners by 11 runs.
After a lengthy NACA deliberation Viv Pillay was duly presented with the lime
green and magenta jacket for yawning repeatedly whilst batting in Nepo’s first
innings and for having a bat called "Sidewinder".
I don't remember much of the weather or most of the match on Sunday. The
loud and continuous Trinidadian 'soca' beats from the festival on the adjoining
ground washed away all contents of my working memory replacing them with
mind-numbing beats and Trini lyrics set to old Bollywood tunes.
As a consequence, what follows below may or may not have happened.
Sleep evaded me the night before as the demons of captaincy had started to haunt
me. Did I want to be remembered as a Steve Werren or Brett Schwim (who btw, has
a 100% win rate as captain), or did I want to be relegated and immortalised in
the corner where Bomber Dale and his 685 runs stand alone (together)?
We entered the grounds and looked on at a magnificent field - flat run-up to the
pitch, no weird slopes, normal boundary lengths and a reticent sun starting to
peek out from behind the clouds. Oh yeah, what a day to captain the greatest
wandering side in the world.
Fast forward to 30 min later. I met the oppo captain, who proceeded to walk me
to a ground that was not the one we had been admiring. The main ground was
reserved for an exhibition match. We will play on the 'second' ground. The main
ground was for Trini celebrity cricketers, not you Sunday friendly mugs. Keep an
eye on that space.
The oppo skipper looked a little checked out at the toss. Later events showed
how prescient this was. Anyhow, we lost the toss, they decided to bat.
Their openers started well despite some fine and searching bowling from Sparrow
and Dennis. Having encountered a pitch with bounce for the first time this
season, Dennis channelled the same spirit that possessed Ishant at Lord's on the
5th day. Sparrow was his usual stingy self with a difficult line and perfect
The 1st wicket was a lucky breakthrough following some fine fielding from
Dennis. There was a good 2nd wicket partnership before Sparrow begged, harangued
and cajoled the umpire, following the longest appeal in the history of cricket
that led to a spontaneous onset of asthma and a wicket for him. Siva
Schweinsteiger in his debut game bowled a great initial spell with swing and
pace that suggested he should stay with cricket rather than go back to football.
Nilesh Thacker repaid the faith the captain showed by taking out 2 wickets in
quick succession, at which point we felt that this was going to be cakewalk.
What proceeded to happen next was carnage, as their next bat carted us to all
parts of the ground. There were moments in those 7 or 8 overs when I could feel
Bomber trying to drag me to his corner of Nepo hell. The impressive Siva in his
comeback spell got a bit of stick as the batsman took us for over 40 in 10
balls, before chancing his arm once too often and miscuing a catch to Sparrow
off yours truly. But not before he got 76 of 20 odd deliveries.
Sparrow and Shahna cleaned up the rest of middle-order and tail clinically, as
the rest of them folded quickly to set us a formidable 252 runs to get off our
The crazy bat did not help matters, as he sneered to Shahna 'I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU
OUT' Khan, who had dropped him early in his innings, 'I think you've dropped the
Nepo’s started the chase well with Carl and Nilesh putting on a solid 72 at
almost run a ball before Carl stepped out to one that he wasn't able to cover.
Mainly just out of spite to Steve who confessed to telling one of the oppo how
Carl always jumps out but never gets stumped.
Shahna and Nilesh then proceeded to take the game away from the oppo by putting
on an unbroken 2nd wicket partnership of 182 runs, with Nilesh finishing on 121
not out and Shahna on 72 not out. Their stand leaving them only 8 runs short of
the ‘Nepo World Record’ 2nd wicket partnership of 190 runs set in 2005 by Bruce
Jackson and David Stocks. Shahna and Nilesh surely would have beaten this record
with the form they were in, but unfortunately ran out of runs to chase.
Nepo’s won the game with 5 overs and 9 wickets to spare, batting game-fully
through the rain and fading light, ending on 1-254 off 35 overs. But not before
de-moralising the oppo captain, who when he came off during the rain break,
refused to go back out and made no attempt to participate in the game when he
did go out.
Meanwhile, Sparrow missed out on an opportunity to convert the Trini gathering
into a walking ‘Bent Banani’ advert, Siva flashed a bit of skin to keep himself
in the game, but got no love from the ladies. Though not so for Shyam Dattani,
who was a honeypot for the large Trini matrons, much to the oppo skipper's
chagrin as he threatened to take out a contract on Shyam for trying to take away
All in all a good day with everything you expect from a Nepo game. I dedicate
our resounding team victory to Bomber Dale.
The week began with Luke Sparrow’s friendly reminder to me that Bomber
Dale was the last invitational skipper to lose. The pressure was on to keep this
new tradition going and to heap more misery on Mr Dale.
Nepos arrived at the ground thinking we were at lords as it was impossible to
tell the difference between the outfield and the pitch. The pitch was covered in
grass and even had bunches of clover through the pitch. Looking at the pitch I
was contemplating doing the unthinkable of bowling first, but after winning the
toss I could see in the corner of my eye club captain Peter Pan making batting
motions (well that’s what I thought Stevie was doing but I don’t think anyone
knows what going on in his head). Hence I told the opposing captain to his great
surprise and with the look that I must have escaped from a mental asylum that we
I gave the openers simple instruction to go out, have fun, and for Carl to only
come back with 150 to his name. What transpired was some the best team batting
performance I’ve seen in my 6 seasons with the Nepos. The Nepos forgot the
colour of the wicket and just went for leather from start to finish.
The openers Nilesh Thacker and Carl Hoar set up the perfect platform with 113
runs in 16.4 overs for the first wicket. Thacker continued his great batting
form and looked set for his 2nd consecutive hundred until Werren decided to
raise the finger for LBW that even the bowler didn’t appeal for and was out for
a stylish 41. Hoar continued the leather pasting, hitting 3 consecutive fours to
bring up yet another hundred and then went completely mad and offered to retire
to preserve his average. After my attempt to kill him for subordination, Hoar
hit another 3 consecutive fours before holing out in the deep for a personal
season high 114 runs.
The remaining Nepos all chipped in with quick solid contributions, with McCubbin
22, Khan 38, Pillay 51 not out, Stout 20, McIntyre 8 continuing his trend of
hitting a six of his 1st ball and Ellegard 2 not out. Special mention to the
unusual batting style of Viven Pillay of dead batting, yawning and hitting fours
and sixes on his way to 51 not out from 32 balls. The Nepos finished with an
impressive 335 for 6 of our 40 overs.
After a wonderful Thai tea the ever present Mr Khan reminded me of the Bomber
Dale Barnes debacle. My only saving grace was that if Highgate did manage to
overhaul our formidable total, this wouldn’t be worse than the Barnes loss where
Mr Dale couldn’t defend 341.
In reality I had nothing to fear as a very disciplined bowling effort with
regular wickets saw the Nepos win comfortably as Highgate was all out for 225
from 38.5 overs. All the bowlers did a fine job but special mentions goes to
Ellegard (4-48 from 7.5 overs), Khan (2-20 from 6 overs) and McCubbin with his
1st ever bowl for the Nepos with career best figures of 2-23. Definitely
McCubbin has been under bowled by the Nepos.
After the game there was always going to be one winner of the NACA, Mr Shahna
Khan after numerous nominations.
Another great day for the Nepos and Bomber Dale remains the last invitational
skipper to lose captaining the Nepos. There’s always next time Bomber.
When I woke up in the Emergency Room at Northwick Park Hospital on Sun morning
the duty surgeon said “What the f*ck happened to you”, which I thought was very
unprofessional from somebody I hadn’t met before. At first my mind was blank and
I just couldn’t recall anything, but then the memories came flooding back as I
viewed the cute nurse through the ‘Clothes Remover Goggles’ I bought on Ebay
It all started on Sat night when I decided to go to bed early for a change as
the clock ticked over to 3:10am. After my usual bed time snack of ‘Healthy Paws
Puppy Treats’ washed down with a refreshing ‘Dogs Turd & Tonic’, I drifted off
into slumbersville. Then it happened, my normal REM sleep had suddenly gone
haywire and I found myself on some strange planet dressed in cricket whites –
what was this all about? Then into my dream walks Bomber Dale!
“Ah... excuse me buddy” I said to Bomber, “this is my dream pal, so bugger off.
Anyway what are you doing here?”, I asked quizzically, slightly bemused by the
fact that Bomber had somehow developed a ‘Transformer’ like body with everyone
around calling him ‘Optimus Prime’.
As he walked along, his brain kept shedding tissue, falling by the wayside as
his numbskull matter renewed at an incredible pace. How is this possible from
somebody who holds the Guinness Book of Records for having the smallest brain in
the known universe which can only barely be seen
by a Level 1++ scientist with perfect 20:20 vision using 16 atomic microscopes
lined up in series? How can a single celled organism multiply at such a rapid
pace, or just maybe the ‘Creationists’ have got it right. This dream was slowly
turning into a Category 1 nightmare!
Luckily there was some Irish geeza walking along with an ‘Information’ placard
physically implanted through the top of his head and coming directly out of his
orse, making it very difficult to walk, especially as he was one of those upside
down midget leprechauns – very rare outside of dreams. Luckily I was able to get
his attention as everybody else was busy bowing and scraping to Bomber as he was
moseying along towards what look like a massive stadium of some kind.
The Irish chap informed me they were there to cheer on their exalted noble
leader (Bomber), who had a week off from his North Pole duties, and was
skippering an ‘Intergalactic AfterWorld Eleven’ featuring famous dead cricketers
from the past (obviously) against a combined ‘God/Allah/Buddha Eleven’ during
the ceasefire, and were favourites to win. (Note: There were no famous dead
cricketers from India in the team as they were too busy being reincarnated into
goldfish and after 10 sec couldn’t remember who’s side they were on when they
did briefly make it back.)
At this point I knew it was time to exit stage right and get the hell out of the
this dream to avoid the ignominy of seeing Bomber Dale actually be successful at
a sporting event apart from being the best male sportsman in his household -
just - but 10 year old Greg is getting better.
But how do you get out of a dream of this magnitude? I tried everything at
first; punching myself in the face, pouring hydrochloric acid on my balls, and
jumping off the Eiffel Tower (which I introduced as a alternate setting in my
dream). Nothing seemed to be working and it was getting close the first over.
Then suddenly I remembered that my Uncle Draculii (he was a twin) was once the
number one vampire on the ‘FBI’s Most Wanted Mythical Beings’ list, and had
explained to me as a young werewolf how to euthanise him if he ever caught a
‘hot’ - maybe this was my way out.
So I went into the kitchen and grabbed the silver tipped meat cleaver I always
kept in the drawer in case of an emergency, and plunged it straight into my
willy – which bloody hurt, even in a dream – maybe I got it wrong! Realising
that this was probably not the right technique, I gabbed my ‘How To Get Out Of A
Bomber Dale Nightmare Without Sticking A Silver Tipped Kitchen Meat Clever
Directly Into Your Willy’ user guide, and decided the best approach was to
plunge it directly through the heart with my eyes closed. Unfortunately I lost
all sense of direction (dreams are like that) and somehow managed to chop my
head off – this was getting painful and not going well. Eventually after several
goes I was able to kill myself and get out of this damn nightmare; which leaves
me back where we started with this match report - in Northwick Park hospital.
After I finished telling the fascinated ‘ER’ staff at the hospital about my
dream, I was moved to a private dumpster hidden round the back of the amputation
clinic. It was a bad start to the day, but was only going to get worse as I
realised in a few hours time I was intending to perpetrate one of the great lies
in Nepotists history.
This was the situation leading into the game: Wembley wanted to play a ‘Time’
game, we didn’t. After
last year's ‘Time’ game debacle against Wembley, I knew if
I advertised such a match, I would get zero players willing to turn up. I guess I
could have just not booked the fixture in the first place, but there we numerous
reasons I wanted to play at Wembley. Mainly a noble cause to reduce global
warming and not use up too much fuel in my gas guzzler car. So naturally a game
1 minute from my house and 1 minute from the Nepo’s favourite restaurant, the
Karahi King, was a way to help the world. I assumed that everyone else would
walk to the game.
So this was the plan, which was unbeknown the either the other Nepo’s or Wembley
CC – only I knew. We would play a ‘Time’ game and a ‘40 over a side’ game at the
same time! Critical to my plan was that we win the toss. If so, we would declare
right on 40 overs. The Nepo players and Wembley would just think it was a normal
tea break and leave the field – so far so good. When Wembley batted, whatever
their score was after 40 overs, that’s what I would register as the result and
the last 5-10 overs would mean nothing, except to Wembley. Everyone’s a winner.
There were of course ways this plan could go arse-up. Firstly the Nepo players
may complain when they see the Wembley bowlers having more than the allowable 8
overs each as we normally play, or using the same ball in both innings. I could
easily explain this away by telling the lads that because Wembley is on the
boundary of two counties, Middlesex & Inverness, (after all Antipodeans have no
idea what a county is anyway), and that we were playing hybrid rules where each
bowler is allowed a maximum of 20 overs each, and only one ball is used for the
whole season. First problem out the way.
Next problem could occur in the second innings when Wembley has batted up to 40
overs and keep on batting as they hadn’t yet passed our score. What would I say
to the oppo skipper when our players start walking off the field singing the
Nepo victory song? I guess I could just say that we thought they were
‘declaring”; apologise and then tell my guys that the bar staff weren’t at the
ground yet, so we may as well keep playing till they arrive to fill in time.
On the other hand if Wembley bat first, we could note their score at the 40
overs mark and that is the target we would chase. Of course if we only get to
face say 35 overs in the our batting innings we could just use a reverse
‘Duckworth/Lewis’ calculation. I didn’t say this would be easy!
Yes, lots to ponder as I set my mobile phone alarm in the 5 star dumpster to
12.45pm and tried a few nibblies which the kind hospital staff seemed to have
left out for me wrapped in plastic bags, which tasted like chicken.
Anyway we lost the toss, bowled first, Wembley batted for 43 overs then declared
on 7-239, we had 36 overs to get the runs. Carl Hoar (82) and Shahna Khan (124)
put on a ‘Nepo World Record Partnership’ of 210 runs for the 2nd wicket beating
Bruce Jackson (62) and David Stocks (147*) World Record of 190 runs set in 2005
against RNVR. We got the runs in 35 overs and won both the ‘40 over’ game and
the ‘Time’ game, and no-one was any the wiser – until now! And that concludes my
Semi Final report by Andrew 'Roly' Monk)
I had been so honoured to have been given the lime green and magenta armband
for the first leg of the prestigious ISIS Trophy weekend, but now the day had
arrived the pre-match butterflies were building. It is never easy playing a
semi-final as it is the worst possible game to lose: the cup is within touching
distance, yet who remembers the teams that fail to take the last step and fall
short of the final?
With these pressures on my shoulders, along with a magnificent Bent Banani
creation, I re-read the statistical print out provided by the Nepo back room
staff. The colour coded batting and bowling abilities assessed each players
strengths in the game's key departments; shame the printer ink seemed to have
run out when filling in Bomber Dale's areas of expertise. I would just have to
go with my gut feeling, as any fat spinner should do.
On arrival at the magnificent ISIS facility I managed to draw the main arena for
our semi final game which would be against the hosts, the Post Modernists. This
team was packed full of experience. So experienced in fact that eight of them
would be receiving their bus pass at their next birthday! However, three thin
athletic looking chaps lurked at the periphery of their team huddle; they could
'Heads' proved the correct call and I had no hesitation in deciding to bat on
what looked a bouncy belter of a track. The pleasure boats were starting to
arrive and the boat house balconies, that double up on ISIS weekend as corporate
viewing facilities, started to fill with hoards of adoring young female fans.
Always the case when the Nepos are in town.
It is twenty seven years since I first strapped on the pads for Lime Green and
Magenta’s and, as captain and with no Jacko to accommodate, I decided to open
alongside current hero, Carl. This proved an error.
The young athletic type opened the bowling with a certain rapidity that had Carl
dodging and weaving as the bowlers length began to resemble that of Ishant
Sharma at Lord's. With the score on 6 I managed to slash hard at one, got the
planned edge for four but, unbelievably, Ox took a fine catch at slip.
After ten overs of Carl and academy product Paul McCubbin, the score was 32-1.
Surely we were not going to be restricted to 128 off forty? We had all read of
300 plus scores in this new era of big heavy bats and ramp shots, when was the
carnage going to begin?
The batters had similar thoughts and smoothly slipped through the gears taking
eight an over off the next set of ten with McCubbin passing fifty as lunch
approached before nicking off to the Ox to allow Shahna a nervous five minutes
at the crease before the interval. 122-1 quickly became 122-2 as another edge
did for young Shahna, Chris Ellegard raced out to join Hoar and the pre lunch
run rate continued into the afternoon before Ellegard became the fourth victim
of the safe PM hands behind the timbers. Fortunately Tim Hardy steadied things a
little and batted beautifully despite Hoar's best efforts to run him out. This
would bring a NACA nomination latter as Tim threatened to out play Carl before
an unlucky bottom edge dribbled onto the stumps and he departed for 14 with the
score approaching 200. The Thacker family were placed in the batting engine room
to provide the power at the business end of the innings. This they did to superb
effect whilst Carl moved to three figures with a sublime cover drive. Sanjay's
lightening speed between the wickets gave way to Nilesh's languid power, hitting
his first ball almost into the tennis courts for six. The innings closed on
255-6, fifteen more than I had asked for, but did the PM's have a batting
superstar lurking in their ranks?
The answer to this was 'no'.
Ten overs were scheduled before tea and I asked the team to be sitting down to
their sarnies and buns with three wickets taken and no more than 28 on the
board. Ellegard and Lukey Sparrow provided a hostile start and each picked up a
scalp, Chris with a vicious swinging Yorkers and Lukey via an outstanding catch
at gulley by Sanjay, just as he did in the 2013 series. One over at each end
before the break from Nilesh Naidu and that man Bomber Dale saw two more wickets
tumble and the PM shoulders slump. The writing was not just on the wall, but it
was writ large in a Banksy like masterpiece. Tea taken at 22-4.
The Nepos were going to finals day once more.
Fine post tea spells from LPK and Nilesh x 2 saw the PM's crumble into the dust
for an Indian-esque 55 to secure a place in the 2014 ISIS Trophy final. Cricket
was coming home.
The NACA vote seemed to have an air of inevitability about it! Surely Carl's
chaotic calling to Tim would get it? Or Lukey's plane spotting mid over? Or
Bomber for being Bomber? Or Shanan for nearly walking because he "edged it a
little bit"!? But no, it was awarded to yours truly for, it seemed, taking
Bomber out of the attack. How times have changed!
The traditional Mr Freeze and golf ball frivolities continued way past the end
of the BBQ and excellent firkin of Brakespears. But Oxford does not shut at
11pm, in fact it seemed to still be rocking at 4am when I eventually stumbled
into the Southern Cross. What a day; a semi- final negotiated, a NACA worn, a
kebab consumed, a hangover just beginning!
Great days indeed.
Final report by Colin 'Bomber' Dale)
Glory, Glory Nepotists … Lime Green and Magenta
Magicians* Claim ISIS title
· LGMM CRICKET CLUB FORTUNES TURNED ON ITS
· RECORD 8TH OXFORD TROPHY FOR THE LGMM
. FOUR TITLES ON THE TROT TO THE MAGNIFICENT
· FORMER DISGRACED LGMM INVITATIONAL SKIPPER
RETURNS IN TRIUMPH
. GREATEST CRICKET TURN AROUND SINCE COOK
LEAD HIS MUPPETS TO WIN AT OVAL ON SAME DAY
· NACA AGAIN BROUGHT INTO DISREPUTE BY VOTE
*LGMM cc (formerly
known as the Lime Green and Magenta Muppets Cricket Club, also formerly known as
Cricket has never seen anything like it. From the depths of despair after an
unlucky loss at Barnes Recreational Ground (soon to be turned into an Asda car
park), the Mighty Lime Green and Magenta Magicians were on the top of the
cricketing universe with a stunning 8th title win at Oxford.
Has the world of sport ever witnessed such a leadership performance as well –
under incredibly immense pressure - as that by your lolli-pop chucking, former
disgraced invitational skipper?? They say one has to go to depths of sporting
tragedy to be able to reach its heights, and so it proved at the Queens College
Ground in the ISIS Trophy Final.
After what seemed like a lifetime in exile in the cricketing wilderness at the
North Pole, I had no choice but to answer our looney-tuned club captain’s call,
to return to the Lime Green and Magenta and lead the LGMM CC in this most
crucial and highly acclaimed match. And I had to do what every other fine leader
has done in this pressure cooker situation and that was simply cheat … by
copying the actions of the previous winning invitational skipper, Mr Roly Monk,
in the ISIS semi-final the day before.
If his team could win by exactly 200 runs, then simple, I will do exactly the
same I thought. All was going well, until unlike Roly’s winning call of heads, I
lost the toss and we were sent in.
King Carlos, the newly crowned 2013 NOTY, flopped by only getting 70. Lucky I
put in fellow opener, Kiwi Rupesh Patel on debut, to support Carl. Rupesh, who
made the school boy error of going after a magnificently flighted lolli-pop the
day previous while playing for the oppo in the semi, seemed a lot happier with
the ball coming onto the bat and made a stylish 31 as the LGMM made a solid
Big Paul McCubbin, surely the finest keeper the LGMM has ever known, continued
his fine weekend form with a solid 38. But we needed quick runs and quickly. And
who better than that crazy little Indian Shahna “I never walk” Khan, still
running strong on Carlsberg Pils, to provide the answer. This little bloke
swings the bat with such amazing speed, you would swear he was facing a tennis
ball. In fact, until only a few years ago, that is all he had ever faced
(dinkum). So please, no-one let on that the red thing is actually pretty hard
and hurts when it hits you. Anyway Shahna did not have to walk, being bowled on
the very last ball of the innings for a terrific lightening 42. His bat
naturally bounced a few times off the pitch as he trudged off. Perhaps he
thought his weapon of mass destruction was a tennis ball…?
5-217 was always going to be a tough target for Nine Bar to chase (not for the
LGMM boys the night before in Oxford, who lost count after 11 bars). And so it
proved. It was a fine team effort by the 8 LGMM bowlers used (except for one
forgettable over of lolli-pops). And especially by that man Shahna. Desperate
for club championship points and with Carlsberg still flowing through his veins,
he bowled 8 overs straight for bugger all runs, but also bugger all wickets,
having gone wicketless in the semi. Perhaps next year he should drink stronger
Anyway, eventually the 9 bar were rolled for 168 in the 38th and victory had
never tasted so sweet.
The prestigious trophy presentation was sadly marred by yours truly having to
again wear “red velvet” for some pathetic nomination about my inspirational team
talks. Some players will never know the true meaning of great leadership.
So from the depths of Barnes, the might LGMM not only have another ISIS in the
cabinet, they are just two wins away from breaking the world record winning
Long live the mighty Lime Green and Magenta Magicians. By far the greatest team,
the world has even seen!!
- Colin “Bomber” Dale,
LPK. 1999 Nepo of the Year. Leading wicket taker, 1998, 1999, 2001, 2002, 2003,
Trophy-winning, invitational skipper.
After a successful tour of Oxford last week that saw bomber finally get
that monkey off his back. (Far too cold for him at the North Pole apparently,
not sure if he was made of brass, but he had developed a wonderful soprano
Nepo’s went to Shepperton on the hunt for more silverware, won the toss and
batted first. Wickets tumbled early as Carl Hoar and Paul McCubbin were both
dismissed without score. Nilesh Thacker was on course for another big score till
he fell lbw for a well made 33. Sanjay Thakker mastered the tricky bounce by
rolling his wrists in his stroke play making a valuable 41. Nilesh Naidu hauled
out going for glory for 4, after Viv Pillay was unluckily run out from a direct
hit for 0. The Nepo spirits were given a huge boast when the young Thacker
brothers came to the crease. Both boys played some great shots and weren't
overawed by playing men’s cricket in the slightest. Hinesh Patel ended up on 6
not out as the Nepo’s were dismissed for an under par score of 102.
After enjoying a fabulous tea Patel steamed in and made life very difficult with
some quick in-swing bowling, taking 1 for 27 off 8. The ever versatile Nilesh
Thacker took 1 for 20 from the other end but was shocked when he was asked for
double match fees as he'd also opened the batting. After some hard core
negotiating he agreed to pay a fee and a half on the condition he's known from
now on as Jacques Kallis!! Viv (it's grim up north) Pillay beat the bat with his
cheeky wobblers and was unlucky to end wicketless. Complaints from Nilesh Naidu
that he was being brought on to bowl with only 22 runs required was backed up by
a reassuringly bullish "I'll finish it mate". This turned out to be an empty
promise as he went for 19 in his first and only over.
Shepperton romped home to win by 8 wickets.
If you hear reports of a black cab with caterpillar tracks and skis, that will
be me at "base camp Bomber". PX25 ...over and out ...
After late night phone calls between Stevie Werren and (you'll win nothin’
with kids ) Allan Hanson, Steve decided to go with an experienced line up at
Edmonton. After battling their way through the Spurs v Liverpool related
traffic, Nepos were invited to bat on Edmonton's newly laid reserve pitch.
Hoar and Thacker went well until Carl got a grubber, sending him back for 15.
After Damian was bowled for 2 going for a slog sweep, Nilesh Thacker held the
innings together before he spooned up a ball that stopped on him, for 18. With
the ball swinging wildly, Shyam was sent back first ball to an unplayable
delivery, memories of Mike Gatting there mate! (Chelsea won yesterday, chin up
Debutant Birsha played solidly until he tried to force the pace and was bowled
The highlight, and with a glittering Nepo career in front of him (once we can
agree personal terms on his contract), was Rupesh Patel. He mastered the dry
crumbly pitch to top score with 25 as the visitors were rolled out for 95.
Feelings of disappointment dissipated as the boys tucked into a top tea. Onion
bhaji, spring rolls and pizza!! Best feed of the year!
Dennis McIntyre steamed in and found the edge several times and was unlucky to
end his spell wicketless. After going for 10 in his first over, Damian mastered
the length required on this tricky pitch to return an impressive 2 for 20 in 7
overs. Viv ‘Pukka Pies’ Pillay made the pitch talk with his swingers.
Without the bowling skills of Bomber, stand in skipper Carl hoar tossed the ball
to the next best thing, Nilesh Naidu. After taking a moderate ‘bit of tap’ and
with the game slipping away, Nilesh produced what he calls his ‘Moon Ball’ to
dismiss Edmonton's star bat, Ali. Apparently Nil’s learnt this new delivery on
the Oxford tour from Bomber. It's a new generation of stealth deliveries that
disguise themselves as the worst balls in history, and works for both Nil’s and
the ‘Southern Cross Wanderer’!
Edmonton strolled to a 7 wicket victory as the sun set over the great Cambridge
Nilesh Naidu bagged the NACA for the second week in a row for asking Sanjay to
fix the vote so he would get it - Nacamandering!! Will never be tolerated
Fortunately for Shyam, he wasn't seen lowering the soft top on his Mercedes
sports car with a remote before the NACA vote. Early nomination for being double
flash next season fella!!
That's all for this season folks.
Carl ..aka Bessy of ‘Ice Station Zebra’ North Pole .......