|
|
|
|
|
|
The once mighty Nepo CC machine reversed their 2002 fielding woes putting in a stunning performance to silence their critics. Bowling out Frensham for a moderate 191, the supposedly under-manned side, took an amazing NINE catches and dropped NIL!! Statos from all over the world agreed that this had to be a record. However this proved almost to be of no avail, as later the Nepos snatched defeat (well a tie) from the jaws victory. Looking home at 7 for 182 with five overs left, tragedy struck with the loss of top scorer Steve Stone (69). Then Big Darren Moulds not only failed to hit a six of the first ball he faced, but chocked with the scores level on 191 and was out for just one. In marched LPK. But his Frensham nightmare continued when, with seven balls remaining, he paddled a pathetically easy catch to silly mid on. And that my friend, is a tie! Earlier in the day, only eight Nepos made it to the match. Two of Werren's mates no-showing and Alex out ill. With regulars Jackson, Stocks and Monk all dropped for being crap, it looked as though it would be a day of toil. Two Frensham guests and young Ben Robinson made up the numbers. But what a performance in the field. Rallying around their skipper, the Nepos to a man not only bowled very tightly but took stunners left right and centre. Well, take a look at that scorecard. Nine caught, nil dropped and just the one stumping. The bowling honours were even with 3 to Dale, 2 each to Moulds, Sutton. Then Carthew proved, what we all knew, that he is more of a bowler than a batsman, taking 3 wickets for one (all caught, naturally) in his one and only over. Frensham opened with 6 slips, 2 gullies and a point. And this confidence proved to well founded as the Nepos slumped to 7 for 72. Then the fight back. A marvellous partnership of 110 between Sutton and Robinson looked to have secured a great Nepo victory, then disaster. Dale naturally was a unanimous winner of
the jacket. Nominated for having to wear the Naca hat all day in the field (for
a minor error in the first over and NOT a dropped catch) as well as being a
"c**t". There was also a sneaking feeling that LPK's failure to trouble the
scorer on 191 may have some bearing on why the sad little man was wearing red
velvet yet again. Man number 1 - Roly Monk A brand new baby, William George Monk, entered this world on Saturday 15th June 2001, born to Roly and Lucy. A bouncing baby boy, complete with largis dickis, much to Dad's delight. But, young Bill arrived 2 weeks early, prompting Roly to be a last minute drop out from the Nepotist machine. That lack of dedication was to cost Roly dearly as he was rewarded with a much deserved NACA. Team man and Life President Rbin L'Oste-Brown put team before any such trivialities and stepped forward to fit the little (in terms of bowling ability) and large (in terms of stomach) void left by Roly's absence. Man number 2 - Dick Sutton Having 'lead' us to absolutely no wins at all this season, Dick Sutton's last match in charge for 2002 was eagarly anticipated. So, it was with a sense of dismay and disbelief that Dick's loyal teamates discovered on the morning of the match that he'd cried off, claiming food poisioning or some such lame excuse. Derek Lec Leckenby thankfully stepped in to replace Dick and ensure that the combined proboscis length of the team was maintained, a critical statistic in Steve Werren's spreadsheet. Man number 3 - Bruce Jackson (and the cricket match report) Stand in captain Stocks was immediately under-pressure from the Nepo boo-boys when he lost yet another toss and the Nepotists found themselves in the field. That we were fielding first was was of no major concern, but missing out on the Ireland v Spain penalty shoot-out drama WAS a concern. Ric's opening spell only made things worse for captain Stocks, although Big Alex Trlin's economy rate (relatively speaking) did make up for some of Mr Ric's occasional full tosses. Soon to be convicted Stevie Stone, sporting a Sven Goran Eriksson haircut, saved the blushes of the captain with 3 stunning catches off lolipopped full tosses, although the two accompanying dropped catches should not go without mention, leaving him sporting the pink wig for much of the muggy afternoon. Two wickets each for Bomber, Carthew and Trlin plus one to Stoney saw Valley End restricted to 201, although at 5-115 arguably it could have been better for the Nepos. Mr Ric rated the tea an 8, somewhat harshly marking it down because of a lack of fresh cakes. He's a tough man to please! The Nepo reply got off to its usual shaky start, with with Stevie Werren lasting just 2 balls before the obligatory swipe across the line saw him heading back to the pavilion and on kit. Lawsey & Stocksey smashed a few good-uns before holing out at exactly the wrong time, but Lec and Robin sadly didn't bother the scorers too much. Stoney, basking in the glory of his elevated position in the 2002 batting averages, flattered to deceive and perished relatively cheaply (that's fucked his average!). All this time, dot Jackson was happily boring the crowd, and the opposition fielders, into such a sense of boredom that the crowd all decamped into the bar and the Valley End fielders dropped him 4 times. But, by hook or by crook, the Gay Victorian remained at the crease, a feat his team mates had trouble emmulating. Meanwhile, the required run rate was rising and rising, so much so that with 2 overs left the Nepos needed 32 to win, a surely impossible task. Or maybe not! The second last over went 2-6-6-2-6-6 as Jacko finally played some shots, in the process going to his first ton in 4 seasons. 28 runs off the over meant that he and Carthew had the relatively easy task of hitting 4 off the last over, a feat achieved off the first 3 balls. High 5s all round for the mighty Nepotists. The Baby - Bill Monk As if having Roly as a father is not
enough, poor little WG Monk is going to have to go through life knowing he was
named after the famous Australian captain now turned commentator Bill Lawry.
Little Bill was the youngest ever Nepo to be awared the Naca, aged just 21
hours. It will be a tough record to beat. The shock opening bowling pair of Jackson and Dale (yes, The Gay Victorian and LPK took the new cherry) reduced Epsom to just 129. These runs were then wiped off with a minimum of fuss to ensure early celebrations at the bar. Yet only a few hours earlier, it was all looking going like doom and gloom for the again undermanned Nepos. There was only 8 Nepos there to watch Brazil lift the World Cup before the game started. Then with the kit left in captain Stock's other car they had no choice but to bowl. The only regular bowler in the side, Dale, opened. He naturally charged into the wind, only to see his last lollipop disappear over the fence. In desperation, Stocks turned to LPK's Victorian cousin to have a go at the other end. His first two overs went for 20. But the cocky south London big-hitters made the fatal of underestimating the all-Victorian attack and were then brought to their knees by a combination of dolly medium pacers and classic lolli-pops. Jacko bagged 4 for 42 (surely more of a bowler than a batsmen) before Stoney, who arrived later to make it a Nepo 9, chipped in with two wickets at the end. Dale continued to charge in unchanged for the whole innings. He also claimed 4 Epsom victims in what must be surely a world record of FIVE MAIDENS in his marathon 18-over spell. Eager to do virtually nothing all day, Messer's Stocks, S. Hagger and Laws, let Jackson open batting as well as the bowling. Trying to win the game himself he smashed 34 while being dropped 3 times, making it 7 times in two weeks, the lucky prick. Completing a shocking day for the locals, it was left to the ring-in Epsom lad who ended winning the match for Nepos, belting a quick fire half century ensuring an early jacket vote, which was deservedly won by skipper Stocks. The great victory was tempered by the fact that Nepos recruitment drive was again proving a failure. But with the Monks producing a boy two weeks earlier and the Guts', Jackson's and now the Challinors expecting this year, the future became clear: NCC must breed to exist! Pressure now on the Carthews, Stocks,
Dales, the soon-to-be Suttons, as well as Werren with his dog Ralph, to follow
suit and make sure we have a full side of colts ready for the 2019 season!! Having lost yet another toss, and with rain falling rather heavily, the Nepos were inserted. New father Roly Monk quickly strapped on the pads and opened the innings with unorthodox Aussie debutant Super Matt. A 50 run opening stand set a solid platform for a big score, with Matt's swipes across the line putting Steve Werren's efforts to shame. After Matt perished for a career high 26, Carthew quickly followed suit, replaced by Jacko. He and Roly pushed and nudged the score along, and at 135-2 the Nepos looked set for a daunting total. But, as has happened so many times in the past, 135-2 quickly became 145-7 as Roly (60), Stocks (4), Andrew Jnr (4), Robinson (0 - golden duck) and Hardy (0 - golden duck) perished in quick succession. Enter Luke Donnelly, complete with a helmet complete with full face grill, to face the Reigate spinners on this low and slow dog of a wicket. With Andrew Snr last man padded up in the hutch, Luke (20*) and Jacko (80) put on a swift 66 enabling captain Stocks to declare at 211-8. Tea was initially graded an excellent 9, but was later downgraded to an 8 when we found it cost us £55 for the privilege. One can only assume the fresh banana sandwiches were laced with caviar and smoked salmon. The Nepo bowling attack opened with Andrew from the top end and Andrew from the bottom end. Could Ric have finally fulfilled his life long dream of bowling from both ends? Sadly for him, no. It was son Thomas opening the bowling with his father. The similarities were many - fast(ish), round the wicket to the left hander, leg side full tosses and no wickets - but nevertheless it was a promising spell from the youngster. Still, at 110-0, Reigate looked to have the game under control. But they didn't count on the spin duo of Stoney (2 wickets) and Donnelly (3 wickets), who quickly sidled through the openers then the middle order. Monk chipped in with 2 wickets and suddenly, with 8 overs to bowl, Reigate's last pair were at the crease. Try as we might to prize them out, including a very plumb LBW shout being turned down, the rabbits hung on and so a draw ensued. Luke Donnelly was deservedly NACA'd for
wearing a helmet to face the spinners and for brand abuse, his various pieces of
kit and clothing being sponsored by Slazenger, Kookaburra, Gunn & Moore and
Nike, amongst others. Roll on tour. From what looked like a hopeless 7 for 79, the NCC posted an admirable 155 on a typically uneven pitch, then dismissing the south-west Londoners for 113. And to the delight of the red-faced, dripping wet Nepos, H&P's Dobson "Mr Blood Nut" - the Sourav Ganguly of village cricket (the most hated man playing), it was a case of Nepotist nightmare revisited. Thanks to another top and middle order collapse, the Nepos were in early and then more trouble. With no Jacko to lead the way, the wickets soon tumbled. Opener Roly f-ed up his average as he naturally ran back to leg and then meekly bunted a lifting ball to cover. The nightmare on Stocks Street continued, Tim Hardy again failed to bother the scorer, and with Werren (19), That Man (22), Derek Lec Leckenby and Stoney failing to get on with it, the lime green and magenta team were in deep poop. Enter Luke Donnelly and Blood Nut. And, just like in 2000, good old Blood Nut managed to help H&P grab defeat from the jaws of victory. Back then it was his infamous over to Jacko, who smashed 30 off the last over of the innings to completely stuff his 5 for figures. This time it was up to fellow Aussie Donnelly to inflict the damage. A magnificent 24 was belted off his fourth and final over. Blood Nut's full bangers were dispatched to all corners of Ham Common, as the hard fighting Nepos dug themselves out of the mire into a position of respectability. Donnelly finally went for 56 while Kiwi Triln with 24 supplied the necessary support to send the Nepos into the huge donut-infested tea in high spirits. With their tails up, the refreshed and full Nepotists were determined to make H&P pay for their Blood-Nutted slip up. It wasn't long before Triln was causing carnage with the home side's top order, as balls lifted and skidded all over the place. He quickly picked up 3 wickets while even Mr Ric found some life in the old body picking up two wickets. With H&P revival on the way, and two red headed locals batting in the middle, skipper Stocks then called upon the NCC secret weapon - the dreaded lolli-pop! And success and huge celebrations were almost immediate as Dale sent Mr BN himself back to the pavilion in his first over, with a screaming caught and bowled take. Blood Nut scored just 5. Not long after the other ginger Ham batsman, their top scorer with 62, was also sent packing with a second LPK caught and bowled. Dale ended with 3 for 27 off his 9 overs, while Triln came back to take the last wicket and the bowling honours with 4 for 36 off nine. Monk easily picked up his third jacket
of the season, thanks to running away from a dolly while in the slips, claiming
the sun was too bright. No such problems after the NACA vote as he snapped up
the remaining donuts thrown in his direction with both the right and left hands.
He then only just missed the treble, as the lofted donut missed his mouth and
bounced off his chins... Much of the credit for the Nepo win, their second in succession, was due to the brilliant captaincy of Tim Carthew. The great tinkerer threw caution to the wind by electing to bat first on a damp wicket. This decision made all the more daring by the fact that half of his regular opening partnership was stuck in a Dodgy Tours van on the M4 and could have arrived at the ground anytime between 2.30pm and 5.30pm. The whole situation had "disaster" written all over it. Enter David Stocks. The most out of form batsman in village cricket bravely stepped up in this moment of crisis to open the batting. The huge Nepo crowd on hand certainly appreciated his bravery, applauding him all the way out to the middle. A return to form seemed inevitable as the first over bowled to opening partner Stevie Werren contained 4 wides, 8 byes and 4 runs off the bat. But, as has happened so many times this season, it was to all end in tears for the beer bellied man from Clapham. This time it was a duck for Stocker as he lamely played guided a leg spinning long hop to the safe hands of gully, and that was out, and kit. Thanks for coming Dave. Werren's cameo (12) soon came to an end as he was bowled by a shooter. Tim Hardy replaced Werren, joining That Man Dick Sutton at the crease. Tim kept the crowd on the edge of their rocking chairs as he confidently stroked the ball to all parts of silly mid off, short backward square and silly mid on. Amazingly, perhaps due to the athletic fielding of the Checkendon superstars, these wonderful cricket shots went unrewarded, and after what seemed like 2 hours at the crease and 43 overs later, Tim remained stranded on 0 not out. But the match was soon to change, and change dramatically. Hardy got off the mark, Sutton stopped getting singles off the first ball of the over, and the scoreboard started ticking over. Hardy eventually perished for a beautifully constructed 5, replaced by Skipper Carthew. Recognising that Jacko's parents had arrived from Australia especially to see their son in action, Carthew (11) soon unselfishly placed his leg 5 yards down the wicket, allowed the ball to hit it, and with Trigger Ric umpiring, the result was inevitable. After a slow start, Jacko and That Man soon started to pile on the runs. Sixes, fours and the odd single punctuated their partnership as the Checkendon spinners were finally flayed to all parts of the countryside. Sutton finished on a magnificent 71 not out, with Jacko hitting a 6 off the last ball of the innings to reach his half century as the Nepos declared on 184-4. Darren "Sperminator" Moulds demolished tea (8). Trlin and Basher Balden opened the bowling, with Basher turning back the years, and the ball, (if not the stomach) as he contained then dismissed the classy Checkendon upper order. But the turning point of the match was Big Alex Trlin's decision to take himself out of the attack. Not only did he take himself out of the attack, he took himself off the field to relieve himself of the excesses of the previous evening, using 3 of the body's orifices to speed up procedings. Ric Andrew replaced Alex at the pavilion end, his first ball being a trade mark leg side full toss, which the inexperienced Checkendon opener promptly dispatched to the safe belly of Moulds at square leg. Again, Skipper Carthew should take credit for this inspired bowling change. However, despite the Nepos early success, Checkendon soon cruised to 110-3. Bomber's lolipops didn't deceive, and Ric's full bungers were now being picked. Moulds replaced the veteran Ric (2 wickets and 1 more season) and his swinging deliveries soon made the vital break-through. A revitalised Bomber somehow turned his lolipops into hand grenades, snagging 4 wickets as Checkenon's middle order commited cricket's version of Hari Kari. At 8 wickets down and with 6 overs to go, victory looked well withing the Nepo's grasp. But, it took Skipper Carthew's inspired decision to re-introduce a lighter and re-invigorated Trlin to the attck to make victory certain. An LBW in the 3rd last over was the beginning of the end, and a very fast inswinging yorker with the first ball of his last over was too good for the Checkendon number 11 and it was high 5s all round. Mr Ric's shell suited cricket whites
deservedly brought him the NACA, with son Thomas leading the voting charge. For
pictures of the day, including Bill Monk, Jacko's parents and Steve Werren's new
hair colour, click here. Requiring 12 to win off the last over, in strode Big Darren Moulds who, at long last, wore the heroes' cap with the bat, and smashed the required runs with two balls spare. Yet how different it was only a few hours earlier when he was the villain with the ball. He virtually gifted the local opener with a century with an array of long-hops and half-volleys, as his four pathetic opening overs were belted across the park. And how different it was to two years earlier in the "99 out of 100 match", again against Shepperton. Then Moulds was the hero with the ball, taking 5 wickets and being virtually unplayable, before it all went so horribly wrong for the big fella. He uttered those now infamous words: "Back in Australia, 99 times out of 100 I would hit the first ball for 6 …", only to make a golden duck and take the jacket. After the villian's opening spell this year, it was always going to be hard work in the field for the Nepos. Trilin tried hard to repair the damage and bowled tightly without success. Basher Balden picked up a wicket but failed to halt the run feast. Dale briefly stopped the rot, picking up a wicket and again proving to be "deceptively difficult". But he then got belted out of the attack. A glorious Shepperton lunch, along with fine wine, lifted the weary Nepos. Monk bowled the opener for 131 with a classic lolli-pop and the Nepo attack quickly got amongst the tail. Monk picked up 2 wickets, debutant Indian Ajur proved you are never too thin to spin and picked up 2 wickets. Also on debut, Oliver got 1, and even THAT MAN, the "unluckiest Nepo bowler around", got a wicket in his one over. Nepos at long last got a good opening stand with Monk grinding 37 and the in-form Jackson making 53. And, unusually, a steady supply of runs were then supplied by the Stocks-less middle order. Carthew was tragically run out for 34, Leckenby 16, That Man playing an anchoring role with 37. Basher hit a quick fire 22, Trilin 7*, before the big West Australian stepped out with 6 balls remaining. Moulds' batting heroics were again not
enough to save him from wearing red velvet after the game. The "villain"
deservedly won his third jacket in succession at Shepperton for that pop-corn
bowling display, and consuming 3 lunches and 2 teas, adding to his already
bloated belly. Guts indeed!~ New opposition, a new look Nepos side (no Aussies!) and a new format - 40 overs a side, 12.00pm start, lunch after 20 overs and tea after 15 overs of the 2nd innings. Not surprisingly, when the Nepos lost the toss and were put in Roly Monk opened and set his initial target to still be in by lunch which he achieved by not hitting the ball off the square for 20 overs. Stocker, opening with Roly, kept the runs flowing, however, and scored a quick -fire 35 and, after lunch, fortified by a large plate of pasta and two Viennetta slices Roly got into his stride finishing with 69 off 74 balls - a fine effort. A super cameo from Rossi of 41 off about 20 balls and a number of other fine innings resulted in a good total of 223. Shouts to newcomers Oliver and Arjun not to run the 2nd on the last ball in order to achieve the magic 222 were to no avail. The Post-Modernists batted below their capabilities as three of their bestbatsmen got into the 20s and then got themselves out. The wickets were shared around the bowlers and the wig did its usual rounds. Fortunately copious doughnuts at tea meant that some of us, apart from Roly, managed to eat one and by 6.30pm the PMs were all out in the last over for 156. Great win, great fixture, civilised oppo. and plans for more of the same next year. Finally, the Nepos bade farewell to the
Kiwi flyer - "Mush" O'Hara who finished his last game having scored runs and
then producing a fine spell of bowling by taking 3-23. Naturally, he received
the NACA for trying to get a job in Ireland! Farewell Hamish and well played.
Good-bye as well to Arjun, our short-term overseas signing, who brought a new
concept to Nepos spinning skills - he was thin and could actually turn it! We
look forward to a future Nepos tour to Delhi. With Stocks, Monk and Sutton running late, captain Carthew diplomatically arranged for the Nepos to bat first on a baking afternoon and a tiny outfield. Lawes and Jackson showed just how easy it is to make runs at Whitchurch by putting on a century opening stand in double quick time. Lawes innings of 71 was punctuated by edges through the statuesque slip cordon, and Jackson's 84 was typically laced with dots, fours and sixes. After the departure of the openers, the helmeted Luke Donnelley and Tim Hardy pushed the score to the landmark 222-2, a fine moment in Nepo history. After flirting with a declaration on that score, Carthew elected to bat on, a very wise decision as things turned out. Donnelley soon perished for a well constructed 48, cementing his position as the Nepo number one all-rounder. Hardy's 12 not out was the first time he had passed double figures since 1998, Robinson's nightmare batting season continued, bowled by a straight one for 5. Stag Sutton nudged a 3 boundary 14 not out, allowing Carthew the luxury of an early declaration as the Nepos sauntered and swaggered to 250-4. Tea was taken in buoyant mood. A glance through the Whitchurch scorebook revealed they hadn't passed 200 this season, and once were bowled out for 21. A 5th Victory in a row was surely a forgone conclusion. But cricket's a funny old game. Trlin's new 'Old Compton Street' haircut failed to dazzle the oppo batsmen. Stag Sutton's steady opening spell belied the fact that he'd drunk 12 Zambookas and 48 pints over the past 48 hours, but he was nevertheless wicketless. In fact, none of the Nepo bowlers made any impact until the thin spinning Donnelley snaffled a sharp caught and bowled. Enter Roly Monk. He too had been on Sutton's Stag, and didn't it show! His 3 overs of absolute drivel went for a deserved 47 runs, hence creating a new post-war record for bowling mediocrity. By this stage, the arrogant Nepos finally realised they were in a game, but that didn't stop Gay Boy Trlin dropping an absolute sitter off their opener, following that trick with a stunning boundary line 'catch', only to run over the line to gift yet another 6 runs to Whitchurch. Poor Ollie Patterson was the unfortunate bowler, although he did snare one wicket, and his spell was much more economical than that of his Dad's under-performing employee, Roly Monk. As the last over began, the now humbled
Nepos required an unlikely 6 wickets, Whitchurch a more likely 12 runs for an
improbable victory. Tight bowling from man of the match Donnelly ensured a mere
10 runs were scored. The Nepos had snuck a draw in a high scoring thriller,
although they trudged off the field feeling distinctly second best. David Stocks
also played, his contribution being minimal. Faced with playing on a village pitch just yards from two roads that actually ran through the playing area (only in Pommyland …), the Nepos could not handle the passing Ford Fiestas, high-riding Range Rovers and the fast moving BMWs that interrupted an afternoon of get-out shots, drop catches and long-hops. Also the fact that the Nepotists struggled to get past 100 runs and only managed to take 4 wickets, meant an easy victory to the locals. A world-record crowd of over 40 Nepo supporters were attracted to the Surrey village. Obviously this had nothing to do with the standard of cricket on offer - Nepo local Jim Drummond's marvellous end-of-season pre-match BBQ ensured the biggest turn out in decades. Tum Carthew stood aside as captain, preferring another round of chicken and red wine to battling to reach double figures, and Peter Lennon was voted in as his replacement. The Chairman got off to a bad start by losing the toss. Things got even worse when he opened the batting with Tim Hardy and Peter Hayley. No surprises that Tim ended up on kit with his 4000th duck of his career: "I can't believe the ball swung …". This set the tone for a rather dismal display. The nightmare on Stocks (5) and Leckers (1 off 250 balls) streets continued, Steve Werren (13) displayed his two shots, before naturally being bowled playing the infamous waft to leg. Hayley (28) and Lennon (27) got impressive starts but failed to go on with it. And what was Jacko doing coming in at number 8? His belated (33) got Nepos to a rather piss poor 148 all out, Mr Ric tragically remaining stranded on 2 not out. Bowling honours were up for grabs as Alex steamed in up the hill desperately trying to catch LPK's "massive" season wicket haul. The pressure soon proved too much as the local openers smashed both his and Mr Ric's (one more year!!) opening spell to set up an easy victory. Bomber's lolli-pops slowed the run chase, but the Shamley Green victory proved to be inevitable. His 3 wickets took him to 23 for the season, 7 ahead of Trilin and 10 ahead of the bowling averages winner Stoney, who not only also ended up wicket-less, but dropped two catches in one Trilin over! The Gay Victorian took the catch of the
day, avoiding a Honda while running backwards over one of the cross roads. Jacko
also picked up the only other wicket of the day. Tragically for the lad, it did
not stop him from claiming his first jacket for the season, leaving LPK the
honour of wearing red velvet to the AGM dinner in December, again! |
|
Powered by www.designport.net |
